Using Guilt As A Tool To Manipulate

Using guilt as a tool to manipulate your partner or loved one may yield your desired results at the onset but it can be destructive to intimacy in the long run. When a person uses guilt, she is setting a condition before she gives her love to the other. When someone takes you on a guilt trip, try these strategies to get your relationship back on track.

1. Repeat to them what they just told you. "Are you saying that just because I don't take you out everyday means I don't love you anymore?" Or, "I have the feeling that you're mad because.....Am I right?

2. Set your boundaries. Ask them what they want and suggest options but let them know what you're not willing to do. Don't let them dictate their plans to you. Try to strike a balance between what they want and what you want.

3. It may hurt them but don't be afraid to say no. Give an explanation but if they persist, remain steadfast on your decision.

4. If you're in the wrong, acknowledge you fault and ask for forgiveness.

The process from guilt-laden relationship to one that's healthy may be a long process but It's well worth it.

Simple Guide to Saying No

Yup I know it's hard to say no to someone. For some people saying No is a major decision. "saying yes when you need to say No causes burnout. You do yourself and the person making the request a disservice by saying yes all of the time," says author Duke Robinson. Here are some advice to help you.

• Saying No for the Sake of Your Wallet. If a friend in need asks for a huge loan, you can say. "I wish I could, but as a rule, I don't lend money to friends." By not singling out the person, you're not saying he or she is untrustworthy. According to communications trainer Don Gabor, "It can change the nature of your relationship if the person doesn't pay you back."

• Saying No for the Sake of Your Time. You are offered a promotion that you don't want and demands more hours and more responsibility. You can reply, "I'm flattered that you want me, but for personal reasons I'm not in a situation where I can take this on. Can we talk again if my circumstances change?" By saying this, your boss will understand that you have personal priorities that take precedence.

• Saying No for the Sake of Your Sanity. A guest offers to bring a dish that doesn't go with the theme of your party. Just say, "What a kind offer - thank you. I have already planned the menu, but do you have and dietary restrictions I should know about?" If she's just being nice, then acknowledging her offer lets the person know she did all she could. Of course, if she has dietary restrictions then you can change your mind and let her bring a dish that she can eat.