Disadvantages Of Having Too Much Time Online

Technology might be taking over our lives, but it isn't making us happier. That's the finding of new research carried out by psychologists at Leeds University, which revealed a possible link between heavy Internet use and depression. The study, based on an online questionnaire of 1,319 people aged 16 to 51, found 1.2 percent were "Internet Addicts" and were more likely to show depressive symptoms and replace real life meet ups with online chat and networking sites.

However, the study team stressed more research is needed to establish whether depressed people are attracted to the Internet or if the Internet causes depression. Dr. Richard Graham, consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Capio Nightingale Hospital in the UK, still believes it makes sense to limit how long family members spend online and to encourage them to meet friends face to face. "Too much time online, even when interacting with friends, appears to reduce confidence and a young person's hopes of achievement in the real world,: he explains.

Should You Keep From Your Love One?

I saw a clippings at the library about relationships, and read an interesting topic, its a complicated one if you ask me, its about keeping secret from your partner. Its true when a man and woman marry, the two become one. So does that mean you cant keep secrets from your spouse anymore? Experts will say that even in marriage, people need boundaries and a certain amount of privacy. A wife doesn't automatically have the right to go through her husband's wallet or a husband to read his wife's emails unless permission has been granted. "The key is moderation," says therapist Terrence Real, the author of How Can I Get Through to You?(Scibner, 2002). "If a boundary is too firm, a couple can become detached and disengaged. If you set no boundaries at all, a couple becomes too enmeshed, which is unhealthy."

Be aware that privacy in marriage all comes down to an issue of trust. Since your relationship with your spouse is unique from any other couple's, only both of you can tell when it's a betrayal of trust to keep something secret or, inversely, to intrude another's privacy.

As a guideline, ask yourself the following questions when deciding when it's OK to keep a secret:

• Is this a harmless issue that i can keep to myself?
• Can I honestly justify why I'm withholding it from my partner?
• If my mate finds out about this, will it be a source of conflict?
• If my partner could see what I'm doing, would he or she be hurt or alarmed?

After you answer the questions and you're still in doubt( I know i was at first hahaha), chose openness. It's always better to come out clean than to withhold something to your partner. As one expert points out, the more that spouses need to keep private from each other, the more prone to instability the marriage will be.

Using Hand Massage to Relieve Stress

We are always face with stress in our lives, whether you like it or not. Stress at home and work, although there are some activities which we can do to lessen stress, some of it cannot be done in our workplace. But there is one solution, you can perform hand exercise routines that you can do while sitting in your office cube. Here are some hand exercise to help you relieve stress.

• Take a dab of lotion or massage oil and slowly work it through your hands. Give special attention to the folds between the fingers, the ball like muscles beneath the thumb, the wrists, and the tip of the fingers. Once you have lavished the lotion or oil on your skin, run your right thumb repeatedly at the muscles comprising the base of the fingers of your other hand. Do this for 10 to 20 counts before doing the same with your other palm.

• Link your fingers together, like you were praying (elbows bent). Push inwards, keeping you palms several inches from your chest. Elevate your elbows to shoulder level. Hold this position for 10 counts and then release.

• Push your right arm forward with palm flexed upward. Take your left palm and gently pull back your right palm toward your body. Do this gently for 5 counts. Make sure that you are doing this exercise without causing pain, and only until you feel your muscles stretched but not strained. Release for 5 counts, and do this again for 5 to 10 repetitions. Do the same on the left arm.

• Press palms together in front of your chest. Fingers should be extended and space apart. Elbows must be either at shoulder level or parallel to the floor. Push hard on both palms until you feel your forearms straining. Hold this position for 10 counts and release for 5 counts. Twenty reps should help ease the symptoms of stress on your shoulder.

• Stretched your fingers by opening them widely and slowly making a fist, one finger at a time. It does not matter if you want to start with the thumb or the little finger as long as you let the fingers stretch while making a fist. You can do this one palm at a time or both palms at the same time. In between the stretching, you can shake your hands in the air to release the tension.

• Clapping loudly relieves stress. So go and clap your hands a few times, but try to add more pressure at the point of impact, particularly on the heels of the palm.

These exercise work better if you incorporate stress relieving breathing exercise as well. And as you do these exercise routines, freeing your mind of negative thoughts.

How To Avoid Isolation in Marriage

Here is a nice article which can be a big help to married couples. Ever played hide and seek as a child? The game continues even in marriage, in our desire to hide and avoid getting hurt. So how do couples avoid isolation in marriage?

1. Seek God by regularly praying together as a couple. According to author Dennis Rainey, prayerlesness and selfishness are co-conspirators against oneness in marriage. In doing this, you are able to build a bridge of understanding between your spouse and you. Forgive one another, and pray.

2. Seek one another, faithfully. Two people in marriage relationship have areas where they just don't automatically come together. It is imperative that you don't allow your mate to hide but that you seek him or her out. Don't live by feelings and give up, but live by faith and seek him out.

3. Seek to defeat the enemy together. Your mate is not your enemy. Never forget that you are at war and that your marriage is not taking place on a romantic balcony, but a spiritual battlefield.

Simple Guide to Saying No

Yup I know it's hard to say no to someone. For some people saying No is a major decision. "saying yes when you need to say No causes burnout. You do yourself and the person making the request a disservice by saying yes all of the time," says author Duke Robinson. Here are some advice to help you.

• Saying No for the Sake of Your Wallet. If a friend in need asks for a huge loan, you can say. "I wish I could, but as a rule, I don't lend money to friends." By not singling out the person, you're not saying he or she is untrustworthy. According to communications trainer Don Gabor, "It can change the nature of your relationship if the person doesn't pay you back."

• Saying No for the Sake of Your Time. You are offered a promotion that you don't want and demands more hours and more responsibility. You can reply, "I'm flattered that you want me, but for personal reasons I'm not in a situation where I can take this on. Can we talk again if my circumstances change?" By saying this, your boss will understand that you have personal priorities that take precedence.

• Saying No for the Sake of Your Sanity. A guest offers to bring a dish that doesn't go with the theme of your party. Just say, "What a kind offer - thank you. I have already planned the menu, but do you have and dietary restrictions I should know about?" If she's just being nice, then acknowledging her offer lets the person know she did all she could. Of course, if she has dietary restrictions then you can change your mind and let her bring a dish that she can eat.

What to do When your Spouse is having an Affair

A nice article I found on our library archive about relationships. Marital infidelity doesn't mean the end of a marriage, although it may feel that way. Believe it or not, many affairs have served to jump start dying relationships and moved partners out of their comfort zones. If you find yourself in this situation, here are some tips from relationship experts:

1. The news will hit you hard and will hurt a lot but hold off making any hasty decision about your future.

2. Your spouse should agree to end the illicit relationship. If not, leave him or her.

3. When both of you are calm, have a serious talk about the root and causes of the affair.

4. Answer the question: What needs to change in your marriage to prevent future infidelity?

5. Seek counseling as a couple.

Tips to make your husband feel loved

I have found this great article on our library clippings, and I hope wives out there can read this. Wanna score with your husband? Here are some tips on how you can make him feel loved.

1. Appreciate his work. Let him know that you understand the stress he endures at the office.

2. Don't criticize him in public. If you have to disagree with him, do it privately.

3. Do away with habits that annoy him.

4. Stop nagging him about things you want him to change in himself. If someone has to change, let it be you.

5. Be vocal with your gratitude for the things he does for you. Try to keep you "to-do" list for him at a minimum.

6. Give him special attention instead of always focusing on your children's needs.

7. Instead of waiting for him to remember your anniversary, plan a celebration and kidnap him yourself.

Relationship Traps: How To Avoid It

I had this post on my other blog, but I had to delete that blog because I'm trying to merge its content with this blog. If you want your love life to be successful, here are some relationships don't to keep in mind.

1. Don't try to change your partner. People who say, "If he/she loves me, then he/she will change" will soon find out how destructive this is in a relationship. If you love someone, you have to accept them - flaws and all.

2. Don't reject your partner to protect yourself. Those who feel the need to protect themselves by rejecting someone they love out of fear of being rejected need to sort out personal issues. If they feel they can't hold on to their partner, they have to first learn to accept themselves.

3. Don't expect your partner to be a mind reader. Communication is the lifeblood of relationship. A woman who thinks her man should know her needs is putting unrealistic burdens on him. Know what you want, ask for it clearly, and be ready to accept a yeas or no.

4. Don't think that it's your partner's role to make you happy. Your happiness is your responsibility.

5. Don't accuse your man of refusing to talk. Men will talk when they feel safe under the right circumstances. Don't coerce them into a dialogue if they're not ready.

Ways to Learn how to Forgive

We all know that forgiving someone who has hurt us can be very difficult. Frederick Luskin, PhD, author of Forgive for Good, states however that "people who forgive show less depression, anger and stress and more hopefulness. "Here are some ways to learn on how to forgive.

• Calm yourself. Focus on something that makes you happy: a beautiful scene, a person you love, a happy event.

• Don't wait for an apology. You might have to wait for forever to let go of your anger if you wait for an apology from whoever has hurt you - some people either don't know that they have offended you or don't want to apologize. Why don't you forgive the person even if he or she doesn't ask? Forgiving doesn't mean that you condone whatever he or she has done.

• Remove the person's control over you. When you forgive, you remove the person's power over you. You release yourself from his power to make you angry, depressed or whatever feeling he may provoke in you.

• Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Gain a probably enlightening perspective by putting yourself in the other person's shoes. The person may have acted out of ignorance or maybe even love in what he or she did.

• Forgive yourself. Some people are their own harshest critic. Learn to accept and forgive yourself of your own failings.
  

How to Cope up with a Trauma

We all have seen on TV the horrors of what typhoons Ondoy and Pepeng have brought. Not to mention another tragic event that happened to Haiti. People experiencing such a traumatic experience have a disturbing and powerful feelings in them. They usually settle in time without professional help, but it would help if they understand the variety of emotions that engulf them.

Following a traumatic incident, they experience denial and shock. This can last for several hours pr days, then followed by other emotions such as fear, hopelessness, anger, guilt, sadness, relief and hope among others.

So how do you cope up with this? First give yourself time. Each person copes differently, but here are common ways of doing so.

1. Find out what happened. Better to face the reality of what happened than keep on wondering about what might have happened.

2. Be involved with other survivors. It helps to spend time with others who have been through the same experience as yours.

3. Talk it over. Talking about what happened helps a lot. You can do this with your friends or family, even if all they do listen. And don't worry if you cry when you talk. It's natural and usually helpful.

4. Take some time for yourself. It's perfectly alright if at times you want to be alone or to be with people close to you.

5. Get into a routine. Sometimes you won't feel like eating, but try to have regular meals and to eat a balanced diet. Do some gentle exercise also.

6. Do some "normal" things with other people. Sometimes you'd want to be with other people but not to talk about what happened.

7. Take extra care. After a trauma, people are more likely to have accidents. So be careful when driving or going around.

Can a Woman make the first move??

A close friend of mine ask, "hey ray can I ask a man for a date? uhhh i dunno, i said to her if you had the guts to ask a guy or if you really like him(I'm kinda on a awkward position here). But glad to say that after a few month she has found a boyfriend, well the guy ask her out, she said. But bringing us back to the topic. if a female friend of yours ask you a similar question what would you answer?. I ask my friend albert, hes guidance counselor, he told me if she has done that, She would loose big time. Why I ask? He said" Man is by nature a hunter, He likes the thrill of the chase. He likes pleasure of the pursuit. But if the prey chases the hunter, the hunter loses interest very quickly. Because its too easy. The thrill is gone." Ok, I think my friend should be a priest for what he said hehehehe. How about you what would you say?