Friday, May 13, 2011

Should You Keep From Your Love One?

I saw a clippings at the library about relationships, and read an interesting topic, its a complicated one if you ask me, its about keeping secret from your partner. Its true when a man and woman marry, the two become one. So does that mean you cant keep secrets from your spouse anymore? Experts will say that even in marriage, people need boundaries and a certain amount of privacy. A wife doesn't automatically have the right to go through her husband's wallet or a husband to read his wife's emails unless permission has been granted. "The key is moderation," says therapist Terrence Real, the author of How Can I Get Through to You?(Scibner, 2002). "If a boundary is too firm, a couple can become detached and disengaged. If you set no boundaries at all, a couple becomes too enmeshed, which is unhealthy."

Be aware that privacy in marriage all comes down to an issue of trust. Since your relationship with your spouse is unique from any other couple's, only both of you can tell when it's a betrayal of trust to keep something secret or, inversely, to intrude another's privacy.

As a guideline, ask yourself the following questions when deciding when it's OK to keep a secret:
  • Is this a harmless issue that i can keep to myself?
  • Can I honestly justify why I'm withholding it from my partner?
  • If my mate finds out about this, will it be a source of conflict?
  • If my partner could see what I'm doing, would he or she be hurt or alarmed?
After you answer the questions and you're still in doubt( I know i was at first hahaha), chose openness. It's always better to come out clean than to withhold something to your partner. As one expert points out, the more that spouses need to keep private from each other, the more prone to instability the marriage will be.


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